Sex is mysterious, doubly so for children. We teach our children to read, we teach them to write. We answer their many, many questions about how the world works; however, when it comes to sex, we leave our children in the dark. Questions go unanswered, ultimately leading to an increased curiosity and yearning to reveal the puzzling nature of sex. It is this lack of knowledge that our youngsters are left with regarding sex that causes an infatuation with it. If we were to refuse to answer questions youths have about trains, they would become increasingly fascinated with trains. This is the nature of curiosity. For sex this phenomenon is even more pronounced, because while trains are quite boring, sex is nothing short of intriguing.
There is absolutely no excuse for deceiving children, no matter the topic. We must answer their questions regarding sex openly and honestly. There is no need for any sort of peculiar overtone when speaking with a child about these matters. Speak frankly and thoroughly. A child has not yet been exposed to the notion that sex is somehow “off limits.” If we explain the purpose of the penis and the vagina, as we explain the purpose of books and calculators, neither will be more mysterious than the other. A healthy sex life will arise out of children with this type of clear understanding.
Furthermore, once we begin lying to our youths about sex, they lose faith in our informative reliability on the whole. We must not mislead them about one topic, lest we lose their confidence on a host of other topics as well. They will begin to go elsewhere for information regarding sex or whatever else, in order to satisfy their fascination with issues that are left unexplained.
We should also not deceive our children into believing that monogamous relationships are the only ones that exist. There should be no stories about everyone remaining virgins until their marriage night. These are nothing more than fairy tales on the whole. People are often polygamous and often sexually active outside of marriage. These are trivial truths that need not be hidden. Once again, deception can only lead to distrust and mystification.
Knowledge leads to increased understanding and comfort. Misinformation leads to confusion and a frantic search for a new source of knowledge. Why create this latter situation? I am convinced that the only reason we would mislead our youths about the issue of sex is due to our own immaturity. We are uncomfortable talking about sex despite the alleged maturity adults are supposed to magically acquire by the age of thirty. Children are not uncomfortable when talking about sex—they have not yet sunk to that immaturity level. Let us not allow them to sink that low, and let us satisfy their thirst for knowledge on all subjects.
5.13.2005
mother, father—what is sex?
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10 comments:
Gotta love our puritanical roots. It's ok to watch peoples limbs getting hacked off and give the movie a pg-13 rating but show a penis and woah... call the FCC
Cuz they wanna raise pussies.
i second that outlightened. Both parents and children should be educated about sex. Parents should learn that its not right to hide and not talk about it cuz they will create a sort of "taboo" for the children and thus this giggling thing and shyness will be developed when they hear the word sex.
It's hard to blame the parents because they too were raised by sexually repressed parents who were taught that sex was shameful and something not to be talked about in polite company. But I'm sure everything will be alright now that the President has suggested that young people should "Just say no" to premarital sex. It worked so well for Nancy Reagan and drugs.
Good points made by everyone. But then again, out of all the parents who don't discuss sex with their kids... how many of these kids end up having sexual problems when they grow up? I think there is a time for everything. Kids don't need to talk about sex until they are old enough to understand it. This isn't to say that it should be taboo. Questions should be answered when asked. But there is no need to "liberate" kids and tell them things they may not want to hear until later anyway. When asked, tell them. If not, let it come naturally. Worst case scenario, they'll figure it out in sex ed at school! LOL!
What we need to seriously focus on is educating our kids about SAFE sex, once they can understand it. "Saying NO to premarital sex", I agree with dinotoo is so unrealistic. However saying "YES" to condoms... now that seems more accesible. In Europe, they have had huge campaigns about condoms, they have been pretty succesful. I think we should follow that example.
PlaysWithSquirels
"No guy is interested in a gurl like that for anything long term."
Guys do settle down and marry girls even if they have had multiple partners in the past. What you're saying is a lie told to Christian girls to keep them "pure." The fact is most Christians do sleep around, but they hide it. Nonreligious people sleep around and don't hide it. That's the only difference. As long as someone uses birth control and condoms they aren't doing any harm.
Puritanical views about sex do so much harm. Do you know that the Bible Belt has the highest divorce rate in the nation. Why? Well, to avoid having sex before marriage people marry very young. Most are then divorced before they reach their mid twenties. Wouldn't responsible premarital sex be preferable to early marriage and divorce?
Interestingly enough, atheists and agnostics have lower divorce rates than all the major religious groups. And this is from a study done by a born again christian.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
wrestlingstud135,
I don't agree. Parents should teach their kids to have responsible sexual relationships. They should teach their kids about condoms and birth control.
I agree that parents should encourage their children to wait. Personally, I don't think teenagers should have sex because I don't think they have the maturity to handle the responsibilities that come with it. But parents must be honest with themselves. Most people will have sex before they marry. Even among kids who pledge to wait for marriage, 88% will have sex beforehand.
Waiting for marriage was fine in the old days when most people were married in their teens. However, early marriage is no longer a good idea. 95% of people of marry in their teens or early twenties will divorce. Healthy sexual relationships are better emotionally than trying to suppress our natural sexual desires.
http://discussreligion.tripod.com
Ummm...Do you have children wrestlingstud135? I do, and I also had the 'talk' from my mother about sex which gave me very little useful information about the subject...lol...My view of sex is that it is why we are all here after all. I've spent almost 20 years learning what I like and about my own body...Telling young adults not to do sex is very wrong, sex is a very personal act and imposing views isn't the answer. That's why most of us have hang-ups about it. Giving them the information and confidence to enjoy it at the appropriate time for them is the right way :)
Okay, again, massive opinion here based solely on what I have observed in life.
One. Teaching abstinence is logical because it is the number one way to prevent STDs and pregnancy. We have a saying in the computer industry. The most secure computer on the network is the one that is not connected to the network. Period.
Two. Teaching abstinence is fine, but forcing it--or creating a stigma--can instill a sense of rebellion or create other psychological problems. If you specifically tell your kid "no," then maybe they'll listen and maybe they will not. What I can say is this. I was an officer in the Navy, and I saw what can happen to those who are restrained from doing things for months on end. You cannot drink on board a US Navy vessel. Therefore, the younger sailors (and several of the older sailors and officers) will go out and get into trouble when they go into port. It's called being "pent up". Now, we had a sister ship in the Royal Canadian Navy. They limit the amount of alcohol they could have on board (technically, in the US Navy, you are allowed one beer after 180 days), but you could still have it. Fewer alcohol-related incidents with those men and women. Why? Because it is in our nature to want to do our own thing and rebel. How do you generally feel when someone tells you "don't do that"?
In the end, what is important is to teach your kids self-responsibility. Tell them it is unwise to have sex outside of marriage; but if they do to take the proper precautions. Tell them what could happen if they don't wait until marriage. And I mean both the good AND the bad. Allow them to make their own decision. They're not stupid.
In fact, teaching your kid about self-responsibility in all aspects of life is a good idea. I don't think enough people take responsibility for their own actions. We like to blame someone/something else.
Okay, now I'm digressing.
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